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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother is like this. I learned to detach with therapy. I moved away from phone calls because it took me time to recover from them. I send cards with well wishes and email only where I can keep things polite and ignore jabs.

[b]If she has money, suggest to your sister hiring a geriatric case manager as other person mentioned. [/b]If there isn't money, I would offer to look into the options within mom's budget or if you have a lot of money offer to pay for it. Your sister can decline and that's on her.

My mother lives to suck people into her drama with guilt trips and any manipulation she can think of. It got worse with age. It is painful, but I had to detach and outsource to get back my will to live and to be able to focus on my spouse and kids and our own life stressors.

[/quote]
+1
Ask for referrals from your most trusted providers. Nurses, OTs etc often have better insight than doctors when it comes to recommending a care manager.

How do you hire these? And manage the case manager? (Not being snarky- genuinely curious). 
Does the CM arrange rides to appts at IL? OP said IL has "no staff" so are rides even available? [/quote]

There are more and more of these places. Yes, a good one can not only hire aides, a traveling doctor, traveling PT/OT/ST, delivery of a hospital bed, wheelchair, etc as needed, but they can also arrange a meal delivery service, driver and even medical transport from the hospital and they can advocate at AL and Memory care when the time comes. The case manager management can be tricky. It is her relationship and she has to sign a release for the CM to speak with you. The best way to get recommendations is to see what eldercare services the doctor's office recommends. The independent living may have some names as well. Word of mouth works well.[/quote][/quote]

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