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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Be prepared to accept that your sister will always resent you for not being there. Even if it's not rational. The other PP is correct about distance. The only thing your sister gets out her immense labor is (the childcare, of course, but she's already forgotten that) the perverse satisfaction of being able to say, for the rest of her life, that she was the primary caregiver for her mother and that her sibling stayed far away and "refused to help". That's how she's spinning it. You've read such posts on DCUM, from overworked children who care for their parents and whose siblings are far away...
[/quote]

I am sorry but I am not understanding when you write that that is how the sister is "spinning it". OP's sister [b]IS[/b] the primary caregiver and OP is far away. There is nothing to spin.[/quote]

The spin is that OP is refusing to do more, which is a lie. She wants to do more and has suggested many options. What the parent and sister want is for OP to actually uproot her life and be there on the daily, which is not a reasonable ask. So the spin is the usual "poor me, I'm all alone taking care of my parent while my sibling lives her life", which does not tell the whole story.

[/quote]

Maybe, maybe not. My sister swore up and down that she wanted to help and I didn't believe her. When I asked, she did one quick visit. I then asked her to take a meeting by phone for 15 minutes over her lunch break and she refused saying she was "busy." Then, I stopped asking. Because it was performative.

Parents have been divorced our entire lives. After the one I cared for died (and I was on opposite coasts) I told her she could be the executor and deal with other parent. I am done. Don't care about $$, just want out. Done caring for everyone. Some people just rely on everyone else to handle to be jugglers, and it sounds like OP has done that. [/quote]

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