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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have friendships with people who have cheated.  I also have a friend who had a relationship with a married man.

I try not to reduce people to their worst decisions. I can acknowledge harm without pretending I’m morally superior or pretending I’ve never made mistakes. That said, if someone consistently shows a lack of integrity, that does affect how close I allow them to be.

[/quote]

Do you actually acknowledge the harm to the people your friends hurt though? Like your friends who cheated -- do you know their spouses? Do their spouses know they were cheated on? Did you hold your friends accountable in any way? Do you think if the people they hurt?[/quote]

I'm not PP but my friend cheated on her husband. I know him, and have for almost 20 years. He's not a bad guy and I've never disliked him and I also don't think he deserved to be cheated on (I'm not saying anyone does, or I'm not saying that they don't, that isn't the point of this). I held my friend accountable by saying that I did not condone her behavior. Beyond that, we've been friends for 30 years and I'm not going to write her off because of what she did. I listened to what she had to say about it and while I don't agree with her decision, I'm also not going to sit in judgment of her or end our friendship over it. Could there be different facts with another friend that could lead me to a different conclusion? Possibly. Probably. But this is one my data point and in this case I have maintained my friendship with her for the last five years since it happened. [/quote]

I had a friend who cheated on her husband and it did end our friendship. I felt it put me in a terrible position, because she'd bring her boyfriend as a date to things I invited her to, and expected me to cover for her with her husband if he asked. Maybe we would have stayed friends if she's kept her cheating contained within her own sphere and not made me a party to it the way she did. But I still think I would have distanced myself from her even in that scenario. Maybe we could have picked the friendship back up once she actually divorced her husband (which she did) and thus was no longer actively cheating. But I didn't want that in my life. To me it is similar to if a friend was using illegal drugs. I don't want to be around it. IME when people are willing to cross certain thresholds of decision making, they are more likely to cross others. I just don't live my life that way. I have a strong moral compass and I don't want to spend my time around people who are good at rationalizing harmful choices. [/quote]

"IME when people are willing to cross certain thresholds of decision making, they are more likely to cross others. I just don't live my life that way. I have a strong moral compass and I don't want to spend my time around people who are good at rationalizing harmful choices."

I totally agree, very well said. If you have friends making choices like these you will be next in line.[/quote]

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