Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Leave him before he ruins your whole life and that of your children. He will  not ask or want 50/50 and even if he does he will not abide by it. You will live in peace. [/quote]

Don’t listen to this advice.

I stayed in a scary marriage because the reality was that I knew if I left my kids would be in even more danger without me to run interference and intervene. One day exDH lost it after a huge raise and was like, eff this listening to you, I’m out, and filed for a divorce.

Everyone assured me he would never even want 50/50 custody, and then two weeks later he filed for even more, and has been fighting for it ever since.

I’ve learned a LOT about his parents and siblings in the meantime and it helps me to understand why he’s scrambling to “win” and “save face.”

You cannot assume someone like this will leave you alone. The same shame and reactivity that made them volatile when the kids trigger them will very likely escalate into post-separation abuse if they have the legal system to validate them.[/quote]

+100

I’m not saying that divorce still may not be the best option- but you pretty much have to assume 50/50 custody. They don’t want to pay child support, and they want to save face. It isn’t socially acceptable to just be a “Saturday outing dad” due to divorce anymore. You have to assume the kids will spend 50% of their time either alone with him and/or whoever else he wants them to spend time with (in-laws, new love interests or girlfriends and so on).

Again, not saying divorce may not still be the best option (and anyone in this position should absolutely speak to an attorney) but stories about getting full or majority custody are not always realistic. You pretty much have to have documented proof that he is physically harming the kids. And even that sometimes is not enough.  [/quote]

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