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[quote=Anonymous]In-law suite still means she’ll be in your business all the time, you’ll have to include her in everything, you’ll always be aware of her there. When you and your kids are laughing and having fun, you’ll be aware your mom is by herself a couple of layers of sheetrock away. When you and the kids are making cookies, you’ll feel like you should include your mom. Her always being around will get very old for your spouse and affect your marriage. She will not be forced to develop any kind of independent life and she will become more dependent on you as she ages. If she’s racist, do you want that in your home? Do you want her to pull so much focus of your focus from your kids?

Tell her diplomatically that living together, even with an in-law apartment, is not going to work. What are her finances? Sounds like a condo or apartment are the way to go, with a location chosen so she has access to social activities. Is she a big church person? Will she volunteer? Does she have a sibling of her own she can visit?

I agree with the PP who mentioned your mom grieving and feeling some relief after the really hard experience of caretaking for someone with dementia. But you should have a game plan firmly in mind before your dad passes. I’m sorry you’re in this hard situation. Let us know what you decide and how it goes. [/quote]

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