Reply to Husband on his 4th DUI, worried about losing child in divorce.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I would not be arguing for 90/10 or thinking 50/50 or anything like that.

A PP mentioned supervised visitation with conditions. That's where you start. Intoxalock on his car. Breathalyzer twice every day. Urine tests, that sort of thing.

You can be super reasonable and child-focused and say "Once he does all this, we'll step up to <whatever your plan is>" but ask for continued monitoring of some sort and have a step-down plan to. And you've done the work of protecting your kid at least mostly with the continued monitoring.

If your DH is an addict, it's true that it's vanishingly rare that he'll be able to stop. It's also true that consequences are the way alcoholics do chose to stop. The pain of drinking becomes worse than the pain of not drinking.[/quote]

This is good advice. I am in a tricky custody situation and was repeatedly pressured by third parties in the legal process to name my preferred custody split. If you say 50/50 because you think that’s what you are supposed to say or as a starting point, they will decide it must not actually be that bad, they won’t take the safety issue seriously and you’ll end up with 50/50. If you say 90/10 or 100/0, they’ll say you’re not cooperative and are creating conflict and will discredit your safety concerns.

The best route is to say that until the current safety/health concerns are addressed, you cannot provide input on a parenting plan and that (as written above) changes to the children’s time with you or your supervision (or however your attorney decides to describe the situation) will need to be gradual and conditional. It was slightly easier for me to do that because my STbX disappeared for a while so our status quo was for the kids to be with me.

Sorry you are dealing with this. [/quote]

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