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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try reading the book Come As You Are. You may be the responsive type who gets into it if you give it a chance even when you aren't initially in the mood. [/quote]

DP. The problem with this is some men get mad if you start being affectionate and it does not lead to sex. My partner is like this. I've tried to explain that kissing and cuddling can sometimes lead to sex and sometimes not. But he doesn't want to do any of it UNLESS it's going to lead to sex. Since I am generally not turned on, I can't know in advance if I want sex or not. The fact he gets angry if we don't end up having sex means I'm inclined to shy away from any intimacy, since I don't know if it will lead to me wanting sex, and I don't want him to get mad.[/quote]

A lot of these men are sex starved. I'm not talking about the guys who are having sex every week but think it needs to be twice a day. Guys going months at a time. Being affectionate and cuddly with these guys and then not wanting sex is like dangling a steak just out of reach of a starving dog. It's really much easier if sex is completely off the table.

I guess there's a chicken & egg problem. Long-term, these guys would probably be happier if there was cuddling and affection and more sex even if some times the cuddling and affection doesn't lead to sex. There has to be a level of trust that this isn't just a bit of extra cruelty he has to endure.

Meanwhile, a woman who is not often in the mood but is willing to try seeing if she can generate some responsive desire isn't going to want to even try if she can't bail when she's not feeling it. Having to deal with an extra-disgruntled husband is going to put her further out of the mood - if not outright afraid of the guy.

It's a tough nut to crack. [/quote]

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