Reply to Parents daily visits, mom constantly "cleaning" our spaces

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I won't mind at all.  I am Asian. I vacuum, mop, wipe a part of my house every day.  Make beds in 3 bedrooms, wipe counters in 2 bathrooms, do laundry for 4 - every single day.

When I visit my sister, I do not sit idle if I am feeling energetic.  I will peel garlic, chop veggies, fold laundry, vacuum, dust,  clean the fridge, clean/sort the kids toys, keep her kids engaged, teach them piano,  help with homework, tutor them in Math, cleanout their bookbags/lunch boxes -  while my sis can do other stuff.  We are still chatting and hanging out all the time.   Same when I visit my ILs or parents - we will do something or the other.  Maybe even knit or crochet.

If I feel overwhelmed or tired, I don't need to do anything.  But if I have energy, I can talk and work at the same time.  We do this for each other. We bond while we are doing something.  I thought it was common behavior in extended families in most cultures.  You have to have this kind of bond and closeness to be able to lend a hand.  My MIL will sit in the family room with the ironing board and iron my kid's clothes for me, while she is talking to me.  Every little bit helps.

I believe that when we stop working or doing small tasks, we will start aging and start declining mentally and physically.

[/quote]

You wouldn’t mind every single night for 2-3 hours, really? No chance for your family to unwind at the end of the day?[/quote]

Unless you are living in a very tiny apartment, there is AMPLE space in most SFH to accommodate anyone's need for space and quite.  No, I do not mind every single night for 2-3 hours because we grew up in multigenerational joint families where we had elderly grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, babies  - all living together.    Which means that if someone is in our space, we learn to be informal and at ease with them fairly quickly. They are not guests. They are family.

OP's parents are not living with her.  They are making themselves useful and this is a cry for human connection.  Shame on OP if this bothers her and she cannot see the real issue.  She should be grateful that her parents or ILs do not need nursing care from OP or her husband.   How she and her DH behave with the parents, ILs, siblings - is being watched by her kids and they are learning from her.  She can make her family a loving tight-knit community and teach her kids to be generous and patient - or she can be another deeply unhappy American. [/quote]

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