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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is fidelity the only vow you all made? Because my DH absolutely broke many of the other promises. Not saying adultery isn’t divorce worthy but all this pearl clutching isn’t helping anyone get any wiser. [/quote]

I am curious about what you mean, can you give some examples?   If major issues are communicated and unresolved, you can always divorce with lots of support.   The issue for me is that most people on here seem to think that their spouse has some control over their happiness because they sleep late on weekends or don’t earn enough to keep up with the Jones’s.   Normal point in time life challenges are things to work through together.[/quote]
I just don’t think life is black and white. If one partner abuses or neglects the other for years and the other has an affair, I don’t think the cheater is the only “bad guy”. If nobody cheats but one person gambles away $10k without telling, then that’s also a transgression. If one partner works on the relationship and does all the things, but the other refuses to engage and spends life on their iphone, I wouldn’t begrudge the first an outside intimate relationship. Life is long, people are messy. There is no “good vs evil”. People do bad things and they should try their best not to. I would rather DH sleep with someone else than lose our retirement savings or become a raging alcoholic or be a horrible father. It would still devastate me, but I’m not destroying my own life over some puritanical idea that sex is absolutely everything. [/quote]

That is how we are different, many of your scenarios would be grounds for divorce from my perspective, but none would be justifications for an affair.   Abuse, addiction and adultery are all branches of the same tree, but poor parenting and financial mistakes (poor decisions with retirement savings) could be worked through in my eyes.

It all comes down to character, in the face of adversity you can either invest and grow or retreat into a secretive fantasy and set the autopilot on your real life into the mountain of problems you want to escape.  Creating more problems, doesn’t fix any problems.[/quote]

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