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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] OP don't be surprised if they are then jealous when those who were involved grandparents get visited far more at the AL years later. My mom was hands off for parenting and grandparenting.  She even commented what a fool her sister was for taking her grandparents so much so the adult kids could go on dates, travel as a couple, etc. When the grandkids were born my aunt wanted to go there and be a nanny and chef so my cousin could recuperate. Those grandkids adore her, she adores them, her daughter and SIL are grateful and now years later it's one big love fest at the AL. Nobody wants to visit my mom because she had no interest in any of her grandkids, made everything about her needs, and was manipulative and moody most of her life until they medicated her at AL. I visit because she's medicated and no longer mean, but she doesn't seem to understand my aunt is more popular because she was kind and loving.[/quote]

Hmmm aunt did all that work and was shunted off to AL? Where is the payback? [/quote]

She loved AL. She is social and had plenty of friends some from her neighborhood who moved to the same place. The started in independent living when they moved. it was a CCRC.  She was safer there too. She also loved being involved with her grandkids. She always said it didn't feel like work at all and they had a close bond. She was so different from my mother (her sister) who saw everything as transactional and if she did even the smallest thing, you owed her. She was that way with "friends" too and they gradually distanced themselves. Even I enjoyed doing things for my aunt and visiting because she didn't feel owed, she just enjoyed the company and help.[/quote]

But the lesson is bending over backwards to help with childcare isn't going to ensure your kids will be there to help you when you need it. Got it. People seem to hold that over the heads of their parents "don't expect us to help you in old age!" when they clearly don't mean it. Just a bunch of takers.[/quote]

NP-Who says that and who is a taker? It sounds like this lady is loved and surrounded by caring family, as she should be...My own great-aunt actually asked to go to AL being it felt like a wiser set up after she fell. Her dd goes and sees her every day.[/quote]

It's right on the first page:

"Well that is very selfish. They shouldn’t have had kids in the first place they don’t care about them. That dog is not able to care for them when they get old, so good luck with that."[/quote]

I don't think that person meant that grandparents should raise their grandkids/give endless childcare, or else...But yes, it is selfish to never want to make your kids' life easier. Would it really be too much for you to (for example) watch grandkids once every few weeks so your child and their spouse can go out to eat, or to take care of them once for a few days because of a major issue? When I think of being helpful that is what I picture, not "sacrificing" older age or losing all ability to do anything. So I think that if you never ever show up for family, it's pretty understandable family won't ever show up for you.[/quote]

It really depends on a lot of things. In my case, ne set of grandparents was simply too old to be useful and the others lived too far away. It's not the job of grandparents to make their kids lives "easier" I've never heard that of that. Until recently successive generations did better than the last so it wouldn't have been possible to make life "easier" which presumably means throwing money at. The constant refrain in this forum is that people are incredibly mad their parents aren't giving them money to make life easy, that's what's behind all the Boomer anger.[/quote]

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