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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry. I do think if you are able to stay calm, you all need to take him aside to discuss your concerns.

Similar situation here, but what got us all out of it was that she died unexpectedly, I am sorry to say. She had no kids but but the phone-blocking/telling us not to call/ the cancelling of his plans to be with his grandkids- for sudden reprioritizing of her siblings adult (no kids) families/people he'd never met/didn't know- was crazy... Sadly he is a little more infirm now so not getting out trying to find another wife (relieved at this last part-these days we just watch his accounts to make sure he is not sending money to scam foreign princesses etc).

But just knowing he could alter his value system so much to suddenly not be interested in our family was chilling. That hurt/knowledge never goes away. I think some people just NEED to be in a bonded couple and will put up with ANYTHING to not be alone... even being mistreated (making up excuses for it- one time he told us she was mean and "had a sharp tongue" but he "guessed he must deserve it"- and we were FLOORED- we tried to ask questions and assure him no one deserved that and he shut down and refused to discuss it) or when being lied to or cutting out their families. We just never would have thought it would be our dad. He was always a big tough dude but very patient and supportive/a real right-fighter all his life, not mean for the same of being mean, and normally saw through the bs in life (recognizing gold-diggers or miserable, manipulative people that friends were married to).

I think it's important for you to get him away long enough to have a serious talk- not unlike an intervention- but only if you can come to a gentle place of hurt- not accusation and not any of the financials (not to start off anyway unless there are serious concerns about his future care/financial independence). Take our all your phones and agree to turn them off for a few moments so you are uninterrupted. Just a 'here was the plan when you were with our mother- is that still the plan? Asking because it's concerning that you no longer wanted to have Christmas with any of your grandkids so we were wanting to talk about this and ask if you are ok. Do you get the feeling xx doesn't like you around us? Because that is how it is feeling to us'.

The big thing in our case was all the siblings bought out the family home as he randomly expressed a desire to 'leave it to her' (which none of us wanted) so a price was set by him and agreed and he got the money for the home/furnishings- we knew he could burn through that, but at least not put our family members in a situation where they suddenly where on the title with her as she was quite aggressive with them. Before that happened, they'd visit our family home from place, and she was seen pilfering contents and bringing them to her home.

In truth- we never got a chance to do it with our father as his wife suddenly got increasingly chronically ill and passed- but we KNOW he was revising history and finding strange reasons to feel a need be codependent with his wife or make excuses for her- so we knew it would not go well- he is quick to anger at the best of times if he thinks he needs to defend something or someone, especially if that person is him when he knows he's made a bad decision.[/quote]

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