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[quote=Anonymous]I don’t have time to read through this entire thread to see if you added more detail but I’ll jump in to share my thoughts. It depends on why you’re estranged. Was there abuse? Were your parents racists? Were they awful towards your spouse? Did they physically endanger the kids? In those cases, I’d keep my kids away from any contact. But so often I hear of people who are estranged for lesser reasons that seem to stem from misunderstandings or different personalities. If the situation isn’t egregious, I’d let my kids have gifts and cards. They may be extending an olive branch. My MIL was simply not interested in my kids and distant from DH. She was more involved with her other kids and grandkids (but not super involved).  I passed along the obligatory birthday and Amazon gift cards and decided my kids could decide for themselves as they hit adulthood what to make of it.  They have no real relationship with my MIL but also no ill will. If she were to come to town to visit DH’s siblings, we would show up to dinner and treat her with kindness. I feel like she’s harmless to my kids who grew up with zero expectations. It’s DH who was hurt by her indifference but even he has learned to accept her limitations. She’s not mean or rude. Just emotionally disconnected. I feel sorry for her now that she’s in her mid-80s and always hope for a day we mend fences. Until then, we will keep up the bday/holiday contact. I do not want to ever have regrets. [/quote]

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