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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.[/quote]

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.[/quote]

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met [/quote]

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.[/quote]

I disagree, yes, she can. She can try. It is hard and a long road, but it is never too late to start building confidence and positive self-esteem, and to turn around how you feel. It is not easy to move to a secure attachment style, but people can try.

I'll give an example of never giving up, I went to do a sport bcs a friend wanted company. I was not interested in this particular sport. A few weeks after taking lessons with a friend, and not being good at this sport at all, she found out she was pregnant and had to stop. I was about to stop too, but then something said in me, why, why can't I do this on my own? Do I depend on her, and why am I quitting and saying I can't do this? Why can't I do it? I continued with this sport for years to follow and became really good at it. You can call it defiance, stubbornness, or even spite.

If you change your mindset to something like this, and say, yes I can, and try and try, such as I don't know, yoga, cooking, small things, if you think about what you did today, you will realize that you probably did a lot of good and lovely things.

It is not easy, and the above pp is correct to a degree, but giving up is worse than trying. People are not their weight, their college degree, their job; people are all the same, full of insecurities, pride, ego, wins and losses. Once you accept that we are all great and weak at the same time, things might change for you. [/quote]

If your biggest challenge in life was continuing with an athletic hobby without a friend for moral support, then I would like to gently suggest you have no idea what it is to "persevere" as an adult who was not loved and nurtured as a child. I'm guessing you had loving parents? So the "defiance, stubbornness, spite" you used to continue with that sport came in part from a sense of self worth you developed as a very young child whose parents loved her.

Also the irony here is that I also have the sort of personality that perseveres through stuff like that. It's just that after doing it, I don't feel triumphant. I continue to feel worthless, I just go to my sports lesson or whatever also, because I made myself, because what else are you going to do.

I disagree that all people are the same because some people don't have this giant gaping hole in their heart where the parental love and affection was supposed to go.[/quote]
Wow! You sound like a narc, to be honest. My example was simple. I survived the Yugoslav wars and found myself in 2011 in the streets of Cairo during the Arab Spring with mobs that Mubarak left out of prisons, but my biggest struggle is an athletic hobby.
If you have a closed mind set and keep blaming others for what you are today, you truly are a narcissist. All narcs know that they are horrible, but will not show it, and will tear people down, just like you did to me here.
Billions of people do not have loving parents, but they still end up being great people. What's your excuse?[/quote]

Please stop throwing around "you're a narcissist" as an insult all the time. I'm not a narcissist. I wrote my post out of empathy for OP because I found your post callous.

The way you framed it made it sound like you were comparing the profound sense of worthlessness some of us feel due to parental abuse and neglect with the frankly minor sense of awkwardness a person might feel going to a sport lesson on their own instead of with a friend. If that's not what you were doing, you can clarify that and let me know my assumptions about you (which I made without calling you names or blaming you, but by gently suggesting your example was not helpful to someone dealing with a deep sense of worthlessness) were wrong.

Sorry if I got it wrong and misunderstood your post. Please don't call me a narcissist. My father was/is a true narcissist and I work very hard not to be that, so that insult cuts very deep and is very hurtful. You don't know me. My post was written in defense of and with compassion for OP.[/quote]

You wrote this: "If your biggest challenge in life was continuing with an athletic hobby without a friend for moral support, then I would like to gently suggest you have no idea what it is to "persevere" as an adult who was not loved and nurtured as a child."
Always a victim, aren't you? Even in this response to me, you framed yourself as a victim. I hope you are not a narcissist, but you keep blaming others. I had a hard childhood. My parents might have loved me, but I was never hugged, never praised, asked to achieve a ton, and told that getting beaten was not bad. My friend's dad beat her and her mom every day, so what is once in a while for me? But I am strong, and I am confident, and I grew and grew as a person because I opened my mind to other ways. I overcame, and I still work on it. I have plenty of idea what it is to persevere. I am a refugee who created a new life, but I am also a faulty human. You will find, if you make friends like me, that we do not like to broadcast our hardships; people who have truly suffered don't talk about it. I am the first one to apologize when I do something wrong, the one to tell myself, " Hey, you did ok just now. " Until you are willing to change, nobody can change you from the outside.[/quote]

You have now repeatedly called me names when all I did was suggest the example you used was not very helpful. I think if you'd instead related some of your bigger challenges in your last comment, this miscommunication could have been avoided.

Please consider that I also had a hard childhood, was not hugged or praised, was hit, etc. The person you are now calling a narcissist, accusing of playing the victim, accusing of being unwilling to change -- I had a very had childhood and have had a very challenging adulthood as a result. I am sorry for your challenges and it sounds like you've overcome a lot. But there is no reason for you to attack me. I disagreed with your comment and didn't feel that was the best example. I didn't attack you or call you names. I would ask the same courtesy from you.[/quote]
What names have I called you? Victim? That is not name-calling. I wrote I hope you are not a narcissist, that is not name-calling. Nobody attacked you. Perhaps you don't want to admit something to yourself? You are the attacker towards me, diminishing everything I wrote, putting my experiences down, and accusing me of something I did not do. Why are you attacking me for posts I made to illustrate something small, such as succeeding at a sport?[/quote]

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