Reply to When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s fine to leave people out. It’s not fine to leave only a few people out. I don’t know what hard about this. [/quote]

So last year, I made her invite the girl who was mean to her, not friends who told her she was not invited to her party because they aren’t friends. I still made her invite her and they couldn’t come. I thought it was cruel to leave one person out even if the girl is mean to DD.

The year before we included the boys who are disruptive and DD didn’t want. We invited the whole class.

I don’t think anyone actually answered my question on when to stop inviting everyone. DD is in third grade.

I made my son invite everyone until sixth grade. [/quote]

So you just taught her that you should still interact with people who are mean to you. Great lesson for both kids. It’s a birthday party not an organ donation. [/quote]

This! I was relentlessly bullied by a girl in elementary school. If my mother had insisted that I invite her, I would rather have forgone the party. Your child has 364 days of the year to suck it up and be nice to people who aren’t nice to her. Don’t make her do it on her birthday. [/quote]

I don’t think the girl bullied my daughter. She just was mean on a few occasions and told my daughter she wasn’t invited to her birthday party because they were not friends. They are not in the same class this year. I originally did not invite that girl last year and added her last minute because it felt wrong to not invite one girl.

On the way to school I told DD to take girls off the list then and she didn’t want to take girls out either. I’m just going to let her invite who she wants whether she knows them from this year or from an activity.

I wrote several times I made my son invite all the kids through sixth grade and also made him invite full sports teams through middle school. I was at a sporting event yesterday and saw how he does not interact with everyone. I’m not making him invite anyone this year nor am I going to make my daughter. Everyone seems to agree by middle school you can invite who you want. My almost 9 year old also has clear friends.[/quote]

Again- girls who aren't in her class don't matter here.  Invite them, or dont.  (Certainly if they are mean to her, don't!!).  The only thing anyone is urging you to do is regarding the 10 girls in her class.  Inviting only 8 of them is really mean, and tacky, and low class.  Inviting all 10 is fine, inviting only 5 or less is fine.  Instilling this in your daughter is actually important.  I know you're being willfully obtuse about what people are telling you by continually bringing up your son (which is irrelevant) and continually bringing up these means girls from years past (which is irrelevant).  The only thing there is consensus on is that you really should not leave out 2 out of 10 girls in her class. Nobody with any hint of good breeding does this.  But if you want to be trashy and you want your daughter to learn to be trashy too, then go for it. [/quote]

NP. Frankly, I think phrases like "low class," "tacky," and "trashy" mark the user as such. I would never take advice from anyone who thought in those terms. [/quote].

How would you describe a grown woman who says her daughter is allowed to leave out just 2 girls in the class for no reason other than "we aren't really friends", and doubles down defending this decision with the reasoning "well my daughter has been to a TON of parties already this year and everyone else leaves those 2 girls out too".    Tacky, trashy, and low class are kind of apt.  I guess you could go with mean instead but it's not just mean, it's mean with an undercurrent of striver behavior, not wanting her daughter to be the only one that invited the losers.  If that's not low class, then what is?[/quote]

You are looking at it wrong. Each party has 5-25 kids and yes, those two girls weren’t at any of them. The other parties are from friends at the same school, not necessarily the same class. This is fourth year of being in a class. I’m not sure being placed in the same homeroom class means you must be invited to a birthday party. They switch for classes so kids are mixed all day.[/quote]

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