Reply to When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences. [/quote]

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2.  Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike.  But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general.  This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend.  OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners.  This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.[/quote]

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others. [/quote]

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.[/quote]

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class.  Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular.  If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well.  If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party.  I mean, seriously.  
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with.  That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that.  You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time. [/quote]

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.[/quote]

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.[/quote]

I don't get why you keep posting.  You don't want advice, you want permission. You don't need our permission to exclude the 2 girls from her class that all of the other moms and daughters have apparently been excluding the past few months.  You have free will. And your DH can try to manage his adult social life through his 9 year old daughter by insisting she invite the daughters of his and your friends even though they aren't in her class and she doesn't like them. Just go do what you want to do instead of posting over and over that this is what you want to do when people give you unanimous advice that what you're doing is nasty. [/quote]

I booked this venue last week. I haven’t sent out invitations because of the guest list.

There have been zero all class or all the girls in the class parties this year. I know on dcum it seems like everyone always invites all the girls in the class but it doesn’t happen at our school.

I don’t know why I felt so bad about it. Your attitude has made me agree with my child. Thank you.[/quote]

NO ONE says the only solution is to invite all the girls in her class (because you're right, they've aged out of that by 3rd grade usually).  EVERYONE is saying that to invite all of the girls EXCEPT for 2, especially when those 2 girls have also been perpetually excluded from the other birthday parties according to you, AND those girls are not mean , they're just not girls your daughter wants to play with- THAT is terrible.  Inviting just her closest friends is totally fine.  Not wanting to invite the kids of mom and dad's friends is totally fine.  It's all fine, EXCEPT for excluding the 2 unpopular girls in her class (unless those girls bully your daughter or hit her or things like that- but you said that's not the case.). And don't pretend like you hadn't already made up your mind that you want your daughter to exclude the 2 unpopular girls, and that you want her to invite the mean girl that's the daughter of the queen bee mom even though your daughter says she's mean and doesn't want to. That's what you were going to do from the start, obviously. [/quote]

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