Reply to holiday visits to god-awful hometowns

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.[/quote]

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it. [/quote]

OP -- why not just admit to yourself that you don't want to spend time with your parents? Stop looking for excuses.

My parents live in a town that definitely doesn't have a metro connecting it to the big city. You know what we do when we stay with them? Fix all the things they didn't notice or didn't have the energy to fix, declutter the things they need decluttered, and buy the things that would make their lives better when we leave. [/quote]

NP.  That's wonderful that they accept your help (or at least look the other way).  My parents get angry when we try and help declutter (even though they constantly complain about their "stuff."). If we try and organize or switch their prescriptions to delivery or a drive through pharmacy or anything else helpful, they decline.  Your suggestion of spending Christmas vacation in service of older parents might not actually be well-received by those parents...  [/quote]

So you aren’t able to figure out how to serve your parents at all? Give me a break. Your parents might not like what my parents do, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like anything. Find out what they do like and do that.[/quote]

This is the problem with some (but not all) people who have functional families.  They don't understand that some people are so difficult there is nothing you can do to make them happy or help them.  I will give you one more small example (and I have many)-  my mom says she wants gifts but doesn't ever have suggestions of what she might like.  If she doesn't like what we give her, she will hand it to us at the door and say we can keep it.  One year she gave me back a specific potted plant that I bought her, and then a few months later, asked me why I never bought her something like that EXACT same plant.  Some people are just difficult.  They are doing it on purpose.   Glad you don't have to deal with that but you also don't get a pat on the back for being more helpful than others.[/quote]

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