Reply to DH continues his infidelity - Stuck and not sure what to do

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have a similar story to yours - now exDH cheated, caught, begged for forgiveness, went to counseling, etc. but became clear to me that he repeated and couldn’t or wouldn’t stop himself. My kids were 18 months and 5 y.o. at the time I asked him to leave the house.

OFC, it was not the way I wanted things to work out, but sometimes you only get to choose from among bad choices and your job is to choose the least bad one that you can live with. I thought long and hard about what kind of message I’d be sending to my kids - a boy and a girl - if I stayed.  I didn’t want to teach my boy by example that it was OK to cheat. And I didn’t want my girl growing up to think she had to accept that for herself. I thought - what if she came to me in my situation and asked for advice? I would never want her to stay in such a marriage, and I could never advise her to leave knowing that I had been in a similar situation and hadn’t had the strength to do so myself. My example has served both children well as they grew.

It was not fun dealing with divorce over the years, but it also wasn’t horrible. I was cordial and cooperative, especially when the kids were young, but as they got older, I engaged in more grey rocking and boundary setting.

Serial cheaters have character flaws that show throughout their personal relationships, and the kids certainly had him figured out when they got older. I can’t imagine what messes the kids would be if I had stayed. They have grown up to be lovely, successful, reasonably happy young adults with stable friends and relationships of their own - all that any parent could wish for.[/quote]

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