Reply to DH continues his infidelity - Stuck and not sure what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After the first time, around a year and a half ago, I forgave him. We did couples counseling, but he cheated again, and again. It started with texting, he would lie. I kind of buried my head in the sand until I found out he was sleeping with his AP for almost three months.  He did acknowledge what he did and apologize, we did counseling, and made some changes, and I thought that was the end of it.

We have a 6 year old DD together which is the reason why I didn’t want to jump to divorce, but now I’m really stuck and feel like I am out of options. I’m also afraid of the entire divorce process, what his reaction might be, and co-parenting with him. My parents were divorced and that caused me to have a miserable childhood so I don’t want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents which is why I choose to stay, but I have tried everything, and I’m tired of the lying, and betrayal.

I know my little girl would be so devastated if we got divorced and all I want is the best for her and our future.

I’d really appreciate any advice or hope from others who were in a similar situation.[/quote]

Pull a Hillary Clinton: ignore him, control the household income, protect the kids, and don’t do anything nor anything for him. [/quote]

Sort of something like this.
A marriage is is many ways a business partnership.
If there is no dissipation of the business assets, blowing it up is for self-respect. 
I am all for self-respect, but that position means loss to the entire family, well, you have to judge that balance.

That said, I've known children of serial cheaters. It was weird to see that the sons of serial cheaters, no matter how much it hurt their mothers and themselves, replicated that pattern in their adult lives. 
I'm not sure how it is for the daughters of serial cheaters though. Daughters maybe kept that fact close to their chest and so I didn't know that about their family lives. But the boys though, they were angry and outraged yet perpetrated the same trespasses in their relationships. Well, this was college and the early years post-college, don't know if things were different in mid-adult life. I didn't keep in contact with those guys.

Anyway, think about the impact on the kids. It's not a small issue.

Good luck to you, it's not an easy road. You want to model a positive pathway for your child but have to be utterly practical at the same time. Your spouse has a real problem but is there something where he is struggling and not find the right solutions? Did he learn a bad lesson from his own upbringing like I outlined above?
People are complicated and never fit our neatly squared boxes of expectations. What lifelines are you extending each other to get through the demons of bad upbringing, adult waywardness and maybe even growth?
We age with so much unexpected baggage. Either we grow from it with our friends (and spouses) providing the ramps or we go it alone. You have to decide how much your marriage is just those vows or is there a thread of friendship to get through these dark times. It's painful but sometimes those scars make the healing stronger.
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