Reply to Annoyed with spending every Christmas Eve with my inlaws.

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with others you should go for dinner and leave around 8.

You will have to steel yourself for criticism and complaints. Of course discuss with DH beforehand so that he can decide if he wants to come home with you and your DS or stay there longer and take a cab home. But it's not a discussion of whether or not you stay later -- this is a decision you are making for your child and yourself, it is a good compromise because you are still going but leaving at a time that is appropriate for both your son's age and your energy level.

Accept that some people will hate that you leave and some people will talk negatively about you after you leave. If none of these people are your husband, it doesn't really matter. They will find a way to live with it.

It one point, I think it was about 14 years in, I just decided I was done with my BIL (DH's brother) and done with a specific holiday we used to spend with ILs every year that BIL consistently ruined. I'd given it over a decade, I'd been polite and friendly and helpful. But then one year we were there and BIL was yet again raging at my DH over some pointless squabble, and MIL was crying and leaving the room as she always does when BIL rages, and FIL was ignoring the whole thing as though it was normal, and I suddenly felt very peaceful. Because I realized I don't have to do it anymore. At that point, anyone reasonable wouldn't blame me for bowing out (and indeed, MIL and FIL were understanding about it and extended family on his side told me they were impressed I'd done it as long as I had). We of course still see MIL and FIL, and will even see BIL sometimes though I choose to bow out of those activities early to minimize my exposure and my DC's exposure. DH usually leaves with us unless he feels he must stay for another family member (not BIL but sometimes obligations to others).

Look around the family. Are there any other DILs, SILs, cousins, etc., who don't come for this party, or who often come late or leave early (or both). There are numerous in my ILs family, and one day I realized I could just be one of them. If there aren't, you'll be the first but not the last. I promise you are not the only family member who hates these "traditions." Some people will hate you for bowing out early, but others will quietly think you are smarter than everyone else for recognizing what an obnoxious shit show it is and doing what is best for you and your son.

Good luck.[/quote]

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