Reply to School has labeled my child as a “problem child”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think that any poster is doing the OP -- who says she herself has a well documented mental health problem -- any favors in suggesting the school might be the issue.  [/quote]

I could not disagree more. Schools absolutely flail with kids who diverge from the norm in behavior. OP seems clear that her child needs supports- but the school is literally not doing a single thing to help the kid, and likely a lot of things to make it worse.

OP you have gotten a surprising amount of good advice on this thread - I expected it to be more like PP here. You could also try posting on the SN forum.

My opinion is that you should move schools to a public (if you are not there) or a different public. Privates generally cannot handle defiant behavior or eloping. This teacher and principal have showed you that they have zero understanding or care for your daughter’s challenges. I can’t tell you how much we suffered from the same when my kiddo was younger and had similar issues.

I think that elementary schools struggle with kids that don’t fit a mold. For reasons I don’t totally understand, teachers and administrators never seemed to understand my DS until middle school. Not all of them do, but there are a significant number that really get him now, and the ones that don’t are still more capable of rolling with it. I think maybe that’s because people who choose to work in MS don’t have some illusion that kids are all little rays of sunshine, so they are less thrown off by “bad” behavior.

That said schools and teachers absolutely differ even in elementary. This school is not working for your kid, so you should leave sooner rather than later. That’s hard to do when kids are older but easy in K.

It also sounds like she will need a diagnosis to access more supports eventually. So get going on that. The key to getting an IEP is documenting that her behavior is the issue so this is an easier lift than some other kids. But you still need a disability (or a “developmental delay”) in some school systems. when my child’s main issue was behavioral health got an IEP under the developmental delay code with no diagnosis at all (just severely delayed fine motor). I am a very adamant plaintiff’s lawyer so I was able to make that happen on my own but you may need an advocate. GL! You are not alone. [/quote]

Sounds like you had a terrible experience.  But, generalizing your experience to say that all schools flail with kids who don't follow the mold is crazy.  And to minimize OP's daughter's behaviors is not helpful.  Her daughter is eloping.  Her daughter is being defiant.  Her daughter is throwing fits.  Her daughter needs interventions.  And, while you talk about the need to document, you fail to realize that this is what the school is actually doing so they are way ahead of your advice.  Your anger stands in the way of your ability to be really helpful.  [/quote]

Not the Lawyer poster here but if the school has noted the issue of elopement and shutting down in class and has suspended the student but has not called for a meeting to discuss the need for testing then the school is not handling the situation well.

A child who is eloping should lead to the school initiating meetings with the parents to get permission to test for issues. If the school has reached out to the parents and the parents have not agreed to a meeting, that is a different scenario. OPs post doesn't say how the school has discussed this with the parents or if they have requested, in writing, a meeting to discuss testing and evaluation for their kid. The OPs post does not mention conversations with their pediatrician about their kids' issues. I assume that there has been some type of evaluation because of the play therapy but that has not been stated.

I wouldn't jump straight to needing an advocate but I would not count on the school to be doing the right thing either. The OP needs to start the process with the school. If the school has been reaching out and the parents have not agreed to a meeting or an evaluation, then I can see that the school is gathering data to force the issue.[/quote]

PP to which you were responding. I see this completely in a different light. OP’s child is a problem child. She displays dangerous behaviors (eloping, throwing fits and being defiant) and is demonstrating that she can’t perform in that environment (shutting down).

She has not been suspended. Instead she is on ISS, which can be their way of removing her from a situation causing her great distress and providing her with time to decompress before returning g to what is likely a chaotic classroom.

The school is trying to involve parents by regular contact but they seem to be burying their heads in the sand until now.

By both of these actions, the school is creating the documentation for potential interventions - kind of like an FBA.

I do agree that OP needs to look into evaluations and also, if this is public school, looking into special education services through either a 504 or an IEP. Personally even with the little information we know, I’d guess an IEP is the more appropriate because of the elopement and possibly the throwing fits. And at that age, the shutting down and need for decompression time might also need an IEP. [/quote]

Nope. You are incredibly naive if you believe the school is doing anything proactive or helpful here. There is very little OP can do from home to solve school problems - so the school simply calling her to tell her does zero to actually help. [/quote]

You are just wrong.  As a parent who had a seriously mentally ill child at school that frequently eloped by both leaving class and leaving the building and who got frequent calls due to this and so many other problems, I do understand the level of stress that these calls invoke.  But, as a parent you need to know.  And, it's a no win for the school.  If the school waits, the parent complains they weren't notified early enough.  If the school calls too much they stress the parent.  If the school calls too little, they don't convey the seriousness of the problem.  There is always a reason to find fault with the school, when in truth there is no perfect pipeline to convey all of the information everyone needs to know.

That being said, notifying a parent lets them know they may need to take their child for a medical evaluation.  Or they may need to let their child's therapist (here a play therapist) know there are serious problems at school so the therapist can do their part.  Or they may need a different educational program for their child.  Or they may need to partner with their school in a different way than is happening now.  Parents are not spectators in the process.  But to know where they fit in, they need information, which happens when the school calls to share problems.  [/quote]

I don’t think you understand OP’s situation. The school isn’t doing anything but punishing the child and calling OP to complain/report. There is very little OP can do from home to help the school with elopement. She already has the child in therapy so it’s far from the situation where a parent is in denial. The school is failing here because they are not starting the evaluation process or even doing basic behavioral management. [/quote]

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