Reply to Parents who have children and grandkids they never see

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[quote=Anonymous]I know so many families like this.

Luckily my family is not like that...yet. My parents live far away but they come visit us 2x a year and then we go visit them 1x around the holidays and then we all meet up (w my siblings and nieces/nephews too) 1x a year as well. So we see them on average 4x a year. BUT the visits are very uncomfortable and tense.

My mom really enjoys seeing the kids and me. My dad...does not. He will just sit there on his phone instead of engaging with us or even looking up from his phone when we try to talk to him. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years at this point and my parents know virtually nothing about my husband because they never ask him anything about himself/show no interest whatsoever in him. (and he's a very nice, friendly guy who asks them lots of questions and tries to engage them in conversation.) Truth is my parents don't really know me very well either because they have never shown any interest in me as an individual. They are terrible at making conversation or forming deep connections with people. They have no friends. They do not keep in touch with their own families (my mom has 3 living siblings who she never talks to or sees despite being on good terms; my dad has lots of living family members he never talks to or sees despite being on good terms/no falling out or official estrangement).

I think unfortunately in the future when travel becomes too difficult for them and/or if they have to move to assisted living and can no longer host us all at their house, the relationship will deteriorate even more. We have told them many times they should move closer to us so we can see them more and they can attend more of the kids' events (and we can help them out as they age). But they refuse to move. The place they live (my hometown) is not a good place to live. Bad job market, bad public schools, bad weather. The place we live is much better in all respects and they even agree with that when they visit they frequently talk about how nice it is where we live. Yet they still refuse to move even though they have plenty of money and are in decent health to do so right now.[/quote]

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