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[quote=Anonymous]  I found OPs advice very relatable. Also, one of my kids has special needs. Interesting to note, my mother who I finally had to outsource care for, was never accepting of DC's special needs and played favorites with my NT child and her NT niece which why we had to kids distance before I did. The other reason the grandkids stopped seeing her is they witnessed her abusive behavior toward me which was damaging and a mistake on my parent.

I think people who don't have experience with challenging caregiving situations can be quite judgmental and rigid if they don't have a well-developed sense of empathy. They can reflexively side with the person who needs care without thinking about what is going on with the caregiver. My mother really didn't take on much caregiving with her own parents-visited here and there and wasn't that into raising kids either. Yet, she was the first to judge others and gossip when they made caregiving decisions she didn't agree with-even with her own siblings who took on more.

OP thank you for your candor. Also, to the person who posted with a child with SN, I get it and thank you. My older child has far fewer issues, and yet I sometimes hope DC does not outlive us because we have created such a safe cocoon and nobody else will. We don't want to burden our other DC. It's all so challenging and people are so quick to expect caregivers to be superhuman and quick to judge.[/quote]

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