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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who immigrated as a child with her parents from then Soviet Union - my parents would help us if we needed but yes - [b]they would consider this a minor and fixable problem because they came here with no money, no connections, limited English skills and worked very hard for an upper middle class life. So being laid off in a country where you speak the language and know how to navigate would look like a minor issue to them. Also, that class and that generation does look down on women who don’t work and considers education/career a big deal [/b]so I believe they probably do look down on you which doesn’t help.

This said - has your husband tried to be blunt with them? About what he needs and wants from them? That particular subculture deals in bluntness a lot and may not even think you need help or want something more emotionally or otherwise unless you tell them because they operate on the assumption that you speak up. My whole family and all the people of similar background I know are that way.

Good luck, OP! Hope things improve. [/quote]

This OP. If they were working adults in 80’s or 90’s in Soviet Union / Russia, they went through economic crisis that you cannot even imagine. No salaries were paid, total collapse of economy, total collapse of country with its systems.

Yes, you feel that they don’t understand or sympathize with you, but based on what you wrote, you do not seem to understand them and the circumstances that they came from either.[/quote]

I am trying to understand them. They came with nothing, almost no English, I admire what they went through. Low paid jobs, several families crammed in a small apartment. They got themselves through college, got nice jobs, raised children here. But they look down on people who are in dire circumstances and to me, that's very snobby. I know I am a disappointment to them, I am someone with just an Associate degree, they couldn't comprehend why their smart son, with two masters degrees, chose me. Ask me how I know what they think of me. They didn't exactly hide their displeasure at our wedding and kept to themselves and their crowd.

I know I should bite the bullet and just reach out myself, and ask to at least help us pay for therapies. But I am afraid of what I'll hear back. That we brought all this on ourselves. 
 [/quote]

I don’t think it’s snobbish to look down on people who fail to extricate themselves from circumstances when they themselves extricated themselves from worse circumstances.

This said - clearly they were willing to do a lot of things that you and your husband are unwilling to do in order to dig themselves out. So it’s pretty understandable for them not to think you need help because to them you are not in such an extreme circumstance and/or if you were, you’d be doing more to dig yourself out.

I am a PP from the former Soviet Union btw and I would never ask my parents for help unless the alternative was literally being on the street. Clearly your brother in law shares my view and your in-laws’ view. To me, you shouldn’t ask just because situation is tough - you should make changes and choices which aren’t great - part time job/moving/etc - but would result in survival; to you, you should be able to ask or they should offer when things are not great but not dire. Neither is a superior view but it does show a culture clash.

Where is your husband in all of this? Does he agree with his brother or is he on your side? Because if it’s the former, you can’t ask them for money and if it’s the latter, he should be the one asking. [/quote]

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