Reply to Calling DH's new GF

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Maybe it is right that I need to focus my emotions on getting past this. Not on burning his world down. I am struggling with how angry I feel. His GF is not younger, she is a colleague of his that I have never met who also has grown kids and is divorced. And I don’t know when they started their thing. I know they have been “friends” for years. But it’s possible that nothing sexual happened until after our separation. I don’t know. I want to hate her, even though I know this is not really her “fault.”   I’ve seen her picture on the company website and she is attractive and really successful. I feel like all the beautiful people are getting together and I’m being left behind. Like i have failed to be interesting enough or pretty enough or successful enough. 
And it makes me want to make them feel as miserable as I do.

The truth is, he is not completely wrong, I was probably not giving the marriage my all. I got impatient with him when he tried to talk to me about being unhappy. He said he didn’t want therapy but I never asked him why, I just was mad at him. Maybe there are ways I took him for granted. And made it hard for him to feel like he could work things through with me. Maybe I was being blind.

I feel so hurt and rejected. And stupid. Like I was living in one world and he was living in another. I feel so ashamed of myself for not noticing that my world was not what i thought. And hating on him and his new gf is easier than asking myself if part of this is my fault too.

I know I can’t make him want to be with me if he just doesn’t. And I know I should not want to be with someone who was unhappy with me. I just still feel sick about it.

Thank you for letting me vent, DCUM. [/quote]

Good for you, OP for taking a step back and trying to examine how you're feeling and why. And good too, that you show some willingness to acknowledge that you had failings in your marriage too. So he moved out a while ago. It sounds like you don't think you're attractive. Did his moving out motivate you at all to embark on any sort of personal improvement? Have you "let yourself go?"  Are you heavy, out of shape? It sounds to me that you guys llost your attraction for one another and maybe you thought making it to 28 years of marriage guaranteed you would stay together no matter how unhappy or how sexless it became and that created a sense of complacentcy. It sounds very painful but try and see this as a chance to try and be happy. [/quote]

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