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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. The abuse is escalating and impacting my children. When it was just me I handled it to try for them, but it’s now what my therapist says is one of the worst abuse cases she’s seen someone try to deal with. I don’t want to go into details, but the abuse is serious. I have documented items that the women’s abuse shelter attorney says could get me a retraining order and use of the house but it’s temporary and I’d prefer to find something more solid for my kids than bouncing them around. I’m trying to organize everything to leave but I don’t have access to marital funds. There’s significant equity in the house but not quickly accessible either.

I am fine with my financial quality of life decreasing, but I also want a safe environment for my children and school is very important. I don’t want a huge house, small and modest is fine as long as I have access to quality schools. [/quote]

Follow your attorney's advice with the restraining order and temporary use of the house, and work on your safety plan.  The first step is to have access to money.  Has the women's shelter given you advice on that?  Buyer gift cards at the grocery store, sell/pawn things, loan from a family member, loan against your 401k, access to a HLOC, etc.  It will be a while before you can reach a settlement to buy anything. Right now, focus on your short-term to medium-term housing situation, including the shelter and other temporary housing if you need to run.   You'll figure out the long-term later. [/quote]

If the abuse is serious enough to get a restraining order then even if that's not the route you take, you need a safety plan. Now. One that includes your kids. If you've already spoken to the women's shelter I hope you have that. Have they connected you with a pro bono lawyer who can help you on the finances? At least in Virginia The Women's Center maintains a list.[/quote]

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