Reply to Who decides when to propose, get married and have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married. 
[/quote]

It seems like its all about what you want for them. They must find someone you would approve of and within your given timeframe and follow the given annual. What if they are attracted to partners who aren't your kind of people, want to marry earlier or later then approved window and structure a different relationship than allowed?[/quote]

We only want what would be beneficial for them.  Of course, they can be attracted to whoever they want.

However, if they want us to be ok and supportive of their romantic relationship, marriage, kids ...they know the blue print.   They are also the product of this same blueprint that we have followed.  You cannot benefit from what we have built and then also think that we will support you if you do opposite of that. [/quote]

What are you gonna do to them if they don't follow your rules?[/quote]

Ha ha.  We will just treat them like American parents.

No paying for college, no funding their wedding, no down-payment for the house, no babysitting the grandkids, no celebrating their milestones, no living rent-free in our house after college, no new car when they start college, no generational wealth being passed down to them.

[/quote]

Really, you'd do all that just because someone didn't propose on your timeline?

Try to understand that this kind of controlling parenting is deeply off-putting and is actually making it less likely that your children get married.
[/quote]

Well, yes.  If they want no interference from parents, like their WASP peers,  then they have to walk the walk too, correct?   If they don't want to be treated like the most precious children and rather be treated like orphans - then this is the life they get.

Trust me -  most of our kids graduate on time, get jobs on time, marry on time, buy their SFH/TH on time, have kids on time - regardless of if they marry within our culture or even outside the culture.  The kind of support we give is the support only UMC parents and rich parents in USA can give - and we are neither.

As they get into the working world, they can see how much harder the lives of their peers is because of lack of support. Most of their peers are drowning in student debt, don't have good paying jobs, can't afford homes, don't have savings, delay marriage, delay having kids.  [/quote]

1) You haven't a clue what WASP actually means.

2) I didn't get any of those things from my parents, even though they could afford it, and my life has turned out great. I have all the things you think your children's peers don't have, and I also have a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship with my parents, who don't try to use money to control me. Same for my DH. I'm beyond thrilled that my parents and in-laws treat me as an adult and don't try to control us.

3) Perhaps there's a smidgen of middle ground between "most precious child" and "like an orphan", no?

You are headed for disaster with this parenting style.[/quote]

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