Reply to Do you schedule sex?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do you schedule sex? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like having sex when you don't want to just disconnects yourself from your own body and ultimately leads to feelings of unconscious resentment towards your DH and a sense of subtle betrayal towards yourself. Sex is supposed to be mutually and equally pleasurable for both partners, otherwise it's just someone using your body to masturbate with.

I'm seeing a lot of advice to just "give in" and have sex that doesn't seem pleasurable or even good "for your husband", but what is he doing for YOU to make you WANT to have sex with him? Does he spend an adequate amount of time doing things that are pleasurable to you, whether it's toys or oral or massage, so your body is enthusiastically ready for intercourse? Are you physically exhausted from your daily schedule, and need him to help take things off your plate so you can be relaxed and ready? Do you still find him physically attractive, or has he slipped with his hygiene and grooming? Does he make you feel emotionally safe enough to relax into an enjoyable sexual experience with him?

I only believe in having sex with enthusiastic consent, where you're absolutely excited to be with him. But you can't reach that state with a partner that isn't looking out for your physical needs. Society pressures women to disconnect from our own sex drives and just "go along to get along", but that ultimately cheats both parties out of feeling truly desired by their partner. I would examine why you don't feel like engaging in sex in the first place, otherwise you're just papering over the problem by scheduling tepid, joyless sex.

[/quote]
Stop making it so complicated [/quote]

What was complicated about that? if you want it with minimal effort on your part, there is your hand. [/quote]

As with most things, there is a spectrum. If a guy is completely ignoring the relationship until its time for him to show up and use his wife's body, then to hell with him. But then there are guys who are willing to make every sexual encounter an event if she'd just tell him what she wants. They're good husbands who are honestly into their wives and don't just sit on the couch when the household needs tending to. But, even so, their wife isn't spontaneously in the mood and it's kind of unfair to tell them to just put up with it because, for reasons unrelated  to him, their wives aren't spontaneously wanting sex.

In that case, it's not unreasonable to suggest to the wife that if they put sex on the calendar, maybe she'll get turned on if they just get things started. (And if she doesn't, she shouldn't force her way through it. She should start looking into other strategies for becoming sexually interested.) Most long-term couples are somewhere in the middle of these extremes. [/quote]

Every time this comes up here people want to pretend like if a husband was great in bed and an equal partner on the home front, his wife would be all over him, and if his wife is disinterested it must be because he’s a useless manbaby who is terrible in bed.  Rarely is it that simple.  Sometimes it’s just hormones and life stages that create the libido gap.

Regular sex is a pretty normal and healthy expectation within a marriage so if one spouse is never in the mood it’s their job to identify what they need to get there and it’s their partner’s job to work with them to make it happen.  Applies to any gender.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics