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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you pushed him to have more kids than he wanted, and you don’t work, and now you want him to share in parenting and you’re surprised he’s not into it?

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OP here. [b]No, having the amount of kids that we do was a joint decision.[/b] No one was forced into anything.

Also, I don't understand how a parent, male or female, is excused from parenting duties, no matter their feelings? Guess I'm "old school" there..? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lastly, I work my tail off (to put it lightly) to take care of all of our kids. Hardest f*****g job ever and no, I don't get paid but they doesn't take away from the fact that I *do* work, it just isn't outside the home, so it's always dismissed.[/quote]

So what’s his excuse then? Has he ever assisted with the kids? [/quote]

OP here.

The amount of times he has taken the initiative to take care of our kids, I can count on two hands. Even when he sees me struggling, he doesn't step up.

He doesn't even pick up our baby when crying - if I am unable to at the moment, I have to ask him to pick up the baby so that baby doesn't end up spitting up everywhere due to the crying - I mean, who is like that?

On weekends, he won't feed the kids breakfast to allow me to get a quick bite. No, he has to take care of himself and get coffee first. At outings, I'm left to juggle everything between playtime, diapers, getting the kids food, nap time for baby, etc.

He doesn't step up to say he'll get the older kids food so I can feed baby or eat something for myself. He won't play with the kids despite their pleas.

He treats outings as purely social for himself while I'm left to do everything and not have much meaningful connection with family and friends when we are out.

Basically I have to be a nagging wife which everyone hates. Which further leads to more resentment.[/quote]

Your kids are all four years apart, so after you had the first kid you had over three years of him being...a neglectful parent? And then you decided to have a second kid... And then more than three years later a third kid?! I'm sorry, I'm having trouble believing this. [/quote]

OP here. Yeah, I know.. I guess I stupidly thought things would change. Been together since our teen years so I suppose I was used to the way things were, but now that I'm close to 40, I'm starting to put myself first. Once I found stuff, it really opened my eyes. As dumb as that sounds.[/quote]

So just to be clear, you haven't worked for pay in over a decade, your kids are spaced pretty easily apart (i.e. you don't have three under three, you've never had all three home during the school  year) and presumably your husband makes pretty good money if you're been staying home all this time? I think it would be helpful for you to go back and think over the discussions you had about you staying home and him being the breadwinner. You say he sits at a desk all day but you're on your feet. With all due respect, I've done both, and kids are draining in their own way but it's really myopic of you to reduce his job to just sitting down. (Also, note, who is the one with time to post on DCUM...?) You're playing a big victim card here, and that's fine, you can do that if you want, but I don't think it's useful for figuring a way out of your situation. [/quote]

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