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[quote=Anonymous]I am a grandparent and I am horrified by this thread. My grandchildren are a number of years away from applying to college and I do know how the landscape of college admissions has changed. So, I won't be assuming that my grandchildren can all get into HYPSMC.

Half a dozen years ago, were all of you aware of how the landscape has changed?  Were all the parents of their classmates who have become more aware of how challenging the process is initially aware of that?  If not and you and classmates' parents have learned, why do you think your parents can't? Remember that they are  saying the things they are saying because they love their grandchildren and are interested in them and because they come to the discussion with the loving viewpoint that their grandchildren are very special and from that point of view think that even if the acceptance rate is 1 percent, their special grandchildren should be in that one percent. Saying "you have no right to know anything about this process" is truly a hurtful move.

So, early in your children's high school years, educate your parents. I agree with the advice to print out Naviance from your specific school--especially if your child attends one that knocks legacies, recruited athletes, etc. out of the data. You can also tell them that as a general rule of thumb, the median GPA and SAT/ACT scores of successful UNHOOKED applicants are at or slightly above the 75th percentile for the class as a whole. You can also explain the differences among SCEA, REA, EA, ED and RD. Explain that colleges don't just accept the most qualified applicants. They build a class and that a lot of the places are set aside for first generation students, recruited athletes, donors' kids, etc.  Explain that many colleges, especially LACs, take most of the successful UNHOOKED applicants in the early decision round. Explain that many of the top public universities restrict the number of OOS applicants they accept. If your family feels it's necessary to pursue merit aid, explain that and that it means going a tier down. (It can help to say that many colleges won't take any younger kids into account in setting financial aid for the oldest and you just can't blow your savings on the oldest because you NEED to have money available for the younger ones.) If your kid's school has one of those general meetings explaining the admissions landscape and it's permitted to bring a grandparent along, consider doing that. (Your parents may have an easier time accepting reality if you're not the one trying to explain it.)  Try to have these conversations outside the presence of your child and BE PATIENT.  It may take a while for your parents to understand, but almost all of them will understand eventually.

If necessary, tell your parents that your child is stressed about all this and you are making an effort NOT to add to that pressure by having most conversations with your child be about college admissions. You would appreciate it if they refrained from asking your child questions during this process because you want their conversations with their grandchildren to be pleasant ones and you do NOT want your child to say or think "I don't want to go to grandma's house for Thanksgiving because all they will talk about is applying to college and I am so sick of talking about it." However, YOU will keep them generally informed. Then do that. Yes, you'll be annoyed with them plenty of times, but the goal here is to keep the pressure OFF your kids. If you don't tell your parents --or in-laws--anything, they are more likely to ask your child.

And if your parents do "see the light" use them as a resource. Many of them have more time than you do. So, if your kid wants a school of a certain size in a suburb with or without a strong Greek system where it's possible to double major in data science and philosophy or which offers merit aid to kids with certain stats, tell them and let them get involved in the hunt. Just as long as the suggestions go through you.

If appropriate, go so far as to tell them they can pick one school to add to the application list if it's one that uses the common app and doesn't require too many extra essays--especially if they will pay the application fee. And if that school happens to be their alma mater, allow it unless your kid's school limits the number of apps or the application requires too many essays.

Sorry for the novel...[/quote]

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