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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff. [/quote]

Your wife is incredibly selfish and a poor communicator. If she decides to stop having sex with you she’s not only making this choice for herself, but also for you. She basically signed you up for a sexless marriage whether you like it or not, and that’s unfair to you.

Bringing up running the house, and chores, is a cop out and a separate issue and it shows a lack of honesty and willingness to work things out. You’ve got to do your part, but every family is different, it can mean doing more housework, being the parent more involved with the kids, or spending time at work to bring in more money.

You should have a conversation with your wife about what your needs and expectations are related to sex, what is acceptable with you and a finding a solution that works, eg having somebody else on the side for sex, while keeping the family together. Also do some introspection to set your red lines. Is a sexless marriage acceptable to you for the sake of the kids and financial benefits of avoiding divorce? Communicate that to your wife and try to understand where she’s coming from and what she wants.

A lot of times women go through menopause and their libido completely tanks, and when the husband is unhappy, they come out with excuses. This won’t be fixed with doing more the dishes, these suggestions are ridiculous. Is she willing to take one for the team once in a while or give you a free pass? It’s a negotiation between the two of you.[/quote]

This.

Possible solution, get her the maid she needs and get yourself the side piece you want. Cheaper than a divorce, and you’ll both be happier.[/quote]

This is really poor advice. I am the wife in this situation and really it came down to what another poster described. I felt like my only use for DH was as a blowup doll. He really stopped putting any effort into the relationship so ofc I had no interest in sleeping with him. I later caught him on an app and I was like dude. If you put the time you are spending on that app into your actual wife then things might be better for you. He did, and now I think we are both happier. [/quote]

Be honest here, do you really think him putting more effort into it, results in you desiring him sexually? It sounds more like a band aid, he is doing something nice to you and in return you put up with him doing you once in a while. I bet he’d rather have sex with someone that wants him instead, and without a doubt he’ll be back on the app.[/quote]

I’m not that poster, but I posted earlier in the thread that DH putting more effort into doing chores and childcare and scheduling dates made me more interested in sex.  
He was working a lot and going to the gym a lot and doing stuff to “better himself.”  But sometimes in life there is just a lot of stuff you have to get done, and there really isn’t a lot of time to work on yourself. 
I was a lot happier and much more interested in sex after he made a big change and started participating in our family life.  I felt like I had a real partner.  We saw each other a lot more.  I was able to relax sometimes, sleep when I was tired, go for a walk, talk with my friends, get my hair cut, etc.  We had good conversations.  
It’s been years now. I don’t know that DH’s career ever took off the way it wanted to, and I know that he doesn’t have the body he wanted when he was going to the gym all of the time, but out sex life is great!

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