Reply to Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?

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Reply to "Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually, most marriages ARE pretty happy.

"Seventy-nine percent of married men and 75 percent of married women report being completely satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship."
https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men/#:~:text=For%20what%20it's%20worth%2C%20married,very%20satisfied%20with%20their%20relationship.[/quote]

My ham sandwich was satisfying. Didn’t make me happy though. [/quote]

Well the goal of marriage isn't "happiness" -- it's partnership and companionship. Happiness is separate.

I think it's weird to decide that sex and romance with other people will make you happy, but that you couldn't find it other ways. Sex is good but especially as I get older, there are so many other things I also enjoy. I love playing sports, going hiking, taking vacations, eating good meals, watching a movie, listening to good music. Fortunately my spouse likes a lot of those things, or if he doesn't, he supports me in pursuing them because he wants me to be happy (and I do the same for him). Having sex with other people might make each of us happier to some degree for some period of time, but unlike all those other pursuits, it could cause anxiety and unhappiness for the other person. So we don't.

It just seems like there's some immaturity to someone who is experiencing all the benefits of marriage (companionship, emotional support, safety, economic stability, etc.) but because they don't feel happy, that can only be addressed by sex with others. What a severe and disruptive choice! Like dude, try taking up tennis or reading mystery novels first. Maybe plan a snorkeling vacation? Have you considered improving your sleep hygiene, seeing a therapist, or reading a self help book about stress management? Of all the things you could do to improve your personal happiness, why would you choose the thing most disruptive to your marriage? It seems idiotic.[/quote]

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