Reply to Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?

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Reply to "Do "open marriages"/ENM/poly arrangements every really prove happy and stable over the longer term?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think most people aren't very self aware and have crappy communication skills. This can create problems managing the inevitable conflicts that arise in any/all relationships.

But add more people (in an open or poly situation), and you add more conflicts. By conflicts I don't mean aggression or hostility, I just mean conflicting needs (one person wants steak for dinner, the other's a vegan! one wants to stay home and watch TV, the other wants to go out! one person thinks the kids need more discipline, the other doesn't!).

Add more people, you add more conflicts, and there is also more competition for the finite resource of human attention and company. You might love four people deeply, but you have to work and sleep and commute and go to the supermarket and all that, so you have to divide your time with each, and if you have two or more partners, you will have less time for each than if you have one. Which leads to more conflicts.

Maybe people who are really, really self-aware, really, really secure, really really good at regulating their own emotions and really, really good at communicating can manage all these conflicts in an ENM/poly setting way that works long term.

But since most people suck at those things, even managing the conflicts that arise with a single partner can be a challenge.

To me, even if you posit that everyone involved has the emotional skill set to manage conflicts effectively, ENM and open relationship and especially poly just sounds f*ing exhausting.[/quote]

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