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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I totally understand your position, but from his position, [b]if he moves in with you, then he is essentially paying rent that helps you build equity in your home.  That isn't fair to him[/b].[/quote]

I don’t agree with this.  If OP is paying the mortgage currently and continues to pay the mortgage, the amount her fiancé is paying towards rent now can go into a joint account to pay for the wedding or towards a saving account for a down payment for a bigger home that they can look for after they are married.  They can also figure out if it makes sense to rent OP’s current home once they but a new home post marriage.  One of my biggest financial regrets is that I didn’t keep my townhome and rent it out like my parents advised me.  Yes, being a landlord would have been work but the appreciation in value would have covered the cost of my kid’s college or been an amazing boost to retirement savings.

If they end up not getting married, the amount in the joint savings should cover any financial obligations for wedding costs and some can be used for the ex-fiancé to put a down payment on their own place.[/quote]

It makes her his landlord, which is weird.  If he were a man, he wouldn't be expected to charge rent.  He should split utilities and she should cover the rest.

If they get married, they should start on equal footing for the new place if she's not comfortable contributing equity.  If that means a downgrade, so be it. [/quote]

No she should not downgrade her financial life to be on “equal footing” with her irrational spouse. If he wants home equity he can ask for an arrangement where he gets equity in her house proportional to what he puts into it. [/quote]

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