Reply to Does getting married mean you just slowly lose yourself until there's nothing left?

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[quote=Anonymous]You are in a really really hard phase of life right now. Having a baby and preschooler is no joke. Your body isn’t healed yet and you’re probably still lacking sleep. So first, give yourself some grace.

Is it possible that there is any PPD going on? Did you have the same concerns before having the second kid? Before having the first kid?

First, therapy. Because PPD or not, you have a lot to work through, and that’s ok. I know it just sounds like one more obligation, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself right now and it takes priority over DH’s happy hour plans.

Bring in household help if you can to lighten the load somewhere. A nanny or daycare for a day or two each week. Help house cleaning or cooking.

Have you talked to DH about any of this? A true sit down heart to heart? He might think you’re doing a great job managing everything and has no idea that you’re having a hard time. You give up a part of yourself when having children for sure, and he needs to let something go so that it’s not all on you.

What do you want your life to look like? What can you change to get closer to that? Work, hobbies, friendships. Decide what you want to and take steps towards that. But everything takes time, and doing it with a baby and home isn’t easy.

Yes, to some extent, you change as an individual when you get married. But you shouldn’t be unhappy or give up core parts of yourself. DH and I have always had some separate friends and travels. It’s important to us both to have the right balance of separate and together time. But to achieve that there’s a LOT of talking about it. Being honest when the balance is off, being honest when one doesn’t think the other is pulling their weight. Communication is key. If you’re communicating and still not finding the right balance, there is a bigger problem.[/quote]

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