Reply to Working Moms and Do It All Expectation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just saw a social media fb post on a local moms page from a lamenting mom earnestly asking the question of how in the world moms are supposed to work 9-5, but still get kids to school by 8AM and picked up at 3PM and have time to make dinner and energy for homework help and so on and so on.

The clear answer is, of course, that they aren’t supposed to do this. In fact, most men were perfectly happy with the arrangement of division of labor where he performed the “outside” labor that secured earned income for the family and she performed the domestic labor that allowed the home and children to be cared for without outsourcing those duties and payments to someone else.
No one asked women to “do it all”—and women were offended by this! 
And yet, somehow about 40 years ago some so-called feminists convinced women that they were being oppressed and needed the “freedom” to go spend their days working outside the home as well.
Yay for feminism![/quote]

The Ironic Part is when both couples work they often earn less as both of them can't fully commit to job. Plus there is child care, double commuting costs, work clothes, work lunches, more outsourcing of work at home like a maid. A dual couple often earns less. And the children suffer.

My wife is a rare SAHM once we decided to go that route. I was only making 60K and she was only making 60k. We decided to go all in on me, she would 100 percent support my career, I could work as late as needed, travel on a moments notice, join boards, travel for work, network after work. In other words 100 percent focused on work. Her Mom worked and she was bitter coming home to a house where she and sister was expected in HS to take care of their brother 10 years younger and no one every at a game or event or available to car pool.

Anyhow my salary went from 60k to 360K in 10 years. So after 10 years home we were making enough that it confused my dual income relatives our age.  It does not matter man or women, the person with most career potential should focus on that. My own sister was not till her dumb husband got laid off third time after she just had third kid and he decided to be a stay at home Dad for next 15 years did her career rocketship up. She was done having kids and no longer had to do the SAHM and juggle work. They made a lot more money as soon as they picked one person to make a run at it. He was holding her back.       [/quote]

No offense, but most of us don't want this marriage. We wanted spouses who were home by 5:30. DH and I are both very ambitious and make 200k, but we wouldn't sacrifice our families so that one of us could work 15 hour days. DH had an offer last year to make 350k with very large bonuses, but it meant he'd be on call 24/7, traveling nonstop and working long days. I don't want to be a single mom and I actually really really love my DH. He's my person! Why do I have to deal with the kids and he doesn't? lol

I think what would be ideal is if DH and I only worked 7 hours a day each. Quality of life would go way up and then our hours would match school hours. I know everyone makes fun of "bank hours" but damn, it's "school hours" that we need to make fun of. 8-2:30 is wild.[/quote]

I am one who worked like that. I only did it for 10 years. Then I had staff, admin, take care of stuff. I only work till 5pm and only in office three days a week. But you have to put in time. My kids 24,22 and 18 barely remember me working like a dog. It was from age six month on oldest to age 10.5 on oldest. My 18 year old I had a nine to five job her whole life. You do realize this is how careers work.

[b]21-32 no one takes you seriously. From 32-45 is only chance you have to move up ranks quickly and that involves alot of work. Then at around 45-50 if have not made it, never will then 50-67 is hold on for dear life mode in career trying to survive till the eventual lay off. [/b]

But trouble is that 32-45 range aligns with marriage, and most of child bearing and young kids part of life. So if both work neither can put time in. There is a reason Michelle Obama became a SAHM both could not climb to top with kids.       [/quote]

Can't say it better than this!![/quote]

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