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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]But divorce lawyers are in the business to make money off of your pain; they are not therapists, but will gladly listen.

I’m in the camp to not react, wait until you can think more clearly.[/quote]

OP doesn't need a divorce consult for therapy, he wants to maintain his relationship with his daughters as his first priority in handling this mess. Which means he needs a good idea of what custody arrangements will be like (is there any chance of keeping the house, will it most likely be 50:50 custody no matter what, and how much say will (driving-age) children have in custody arrangements).  If OP gets unfavorable news, OP might decide to stay married and in the home until the kids graduate.  But that will take OP past the 20 year threshold that was mentioned above where OP will have to divide up more assets in some states. OP's timeline is short.  2 years to that deadline and 3 more years with kids in the home.  Because if all his kids are in high school now, his youngest is finishing freshman year.

I have a friend whose husband cheated and eventually married the AP after divorce.  It's really screwed up my friend's only child. There were things that she learned along the way about how things work that she wished she understood from the beginning.

Interpersonal discussions between spouses are likely to be emotionally devastating and wandering in nature.  Better to have an idea ahead of time of what the key logistical issues and legalities might be.  Continued residence in the home, consideration of impact on the children's high school experience, trial separation, smoothing things over, etc. are all things that intersect with legal issues.

OP, the most gender-flipped advice DCUM could give is to negotiate a post-nup if you agree to stay together until your kids are out of high school to see how things go.[/quote]

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