Reply to Brother and SIL's parenting bordering or actual abuse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you mean by a real relationship with their kids?  Their kids are 3 and 5.

What authorities told them not to spank?

I don’t spank my children but your way of describing this is very weird.[/quote]

I mean like they don't seem like they love their kids or that they don't seem to see their kids as unique people with their own personalities and strengths challenges etc. I'm not sure how to describe it.

The people who assessed the child and the teachers/principal of the school both told them that spanking is very detrimental.

My dad used to whail on my brother and I think he's doing that and it is a little triggering for me to know that he is repeating all of that.[/quote]

Unless you suspect actual physical abuse, stay out of it. [/quote]

Hard, repeated, angry spanking *IS* physical abuse. It's contraindicated for all children, but especially those who are developmentally delayed (which is what ADHD is, really. A 30% delay in executive function). OP, it sounds like you need to grow a pair. Unless you suddenly think that this sort of spanking isn't abuse, in which case, yes, I guess mind your own business and stop trying to moralize with your "better" parenting techniques. Stand up for a clear boundary, or shut up. [/quote]

It depends on a lot of things. Spanking, while you might disagree with it, in most cases, is not physical abuse. [/quote]

You can of course have your opinion. The science and literature on this is pretty clear. Spanking is hitting. Hitting is physical abuse. Spanking, if not "abuse" itself, is strongly predictive of something that slides over the line to physical abuse, and it is proven to increase negative outcomes across various measures. To the extent there is a line one could stay on the "non-physical-abuse" side of, it doesn't sound like OP's family is doing so. Hard, repeated, aggressive hitting is hard, repeated, aggressive hitting. You can't call all forms of hitting mere "spanking" and dodge the fact that it's abuse. There are some manifestations of spanking that can be reasonably characterized as falling on an acceptable side of a line on the slippery slope, but at best it's a slippery slope. And angry, harsh, repeated, aggressive use of hitting does not sound like it's avoiding the slide. At all. [/quote]
There's a reason no other developed nation allows spanking. I can't believe the harpies descending to attack OP who wants to help these kids, and excuse parents hitting small children including one with significant disabilities. Just disgusting. Parenting is very difficult and special needs can present extradorniray challenge. And that's when you ask for help. The answer in not hitting your child.[/quote]

It's so nice to have all of the answers and feel superior, isn't it?[/quote]
I don't feel superior. I feel sad for the children who suffer abuse. Any form of physical violence is abuse, and it damages children.[/quote]

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