Reply to If you’re happily married 16 plus years what do you attribute it to? What factors?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is such a disingenuous thread. People congratulating themselves on the attributes that make their marriages last. I would say it’s really easy to stay married if the following things are there: fidelity, both partners fulfilling their commitments/obligations (not protracted unemployment or financial irresponsibility), no abuse (physical, emotional etc) or serious mental illness . These are the  things that wreck every marriage regardless how “forgiving” and cool and what not everyone is. Even if the partners stay married - the relationship is over. And that’s what counts.[/quote]

This is a really good point although some marriages do survive these problems.

DH’s mother had bipolar disorder.  MIL and FIL stuck together until her death.  I don’t know how happy DH’s father was with the marriage, but he did love MIL and his grief was pretty profound when she died, although there was some relief mixed in.

BIL has severe MS and SIL has been a caretaker for him for 10 years, they were never able to have children.  Somehow they find happiness together, in their memories of better times in particular, and you can feel their love for each other.  I don’t know how to describe that- profound?  Maybe seeing the level of commitment of her parents gave SIL the tools to work through this.  Maybe it is our struggles that prepare our kids for their challenges.[/quote]

Your FIL was probably trauma bonded and maybe the wife wasn’t even abusive even though she was bipolar. Maybe her mental disease was mild, we don’t know.
To my point, MS is not a mental disease and doesn’t make people completely insufferable and unsafe to be around.[/quote]

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