Reply to Help me learn what to think during major tantrums

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[quote=Anonymous]Think of her as caught in an ocean wave.
You are also caught in the wave, but you’re the adult.

You can think of it as a wave that hit her that will subside and you’re just with her getting through it. You can’t rescue her from the wave, she’s in it. It will be a few minutes. You can’t leave the wave. *What you can do is sit with her through the wave and make sure she knows she’s not alone.* You also don’t berate for being caught in it. (I’ve been there)

Other tips.
-write down the start and end time. What if it’s only 5 minutes? 10 minutes? You can endure. My child’s was 30 minutes almost every time. Knowing this helped me.  
-I notice with my now older child that .. if he’s safe, I sometimes just need to walk away. This goes against what I said. But you’ll use judgement. If you can’t handle it.. walk around the corner or into an adjacent room. In addition, since he is 10 now, I see that his tantrums want an audience. 
-on the audience note: I came across the is randomly. He was so crazy and so triggering, I said “I have to leave the house. I told my other kids to close themselves up in a room :( and I said I’ll be back in just a couple of minutes. But I have to walk outside for a little. 3 minutes later I came back, and his tantrum was done. The ones that last 30 minutes. 3! So occasionally, again, he’s older, I just say I’m going on a walk up 3 houses and back down home. He stops. (If anyone labels this as  irresponsible, know that it’s worse if I stay and scream or abuse. It’s worse if he lives in a tantrum longer than he has to. I’m close by and kids know where to find me. I take my phone with me too.)

We have learned so much. It started when he was 4. We could no longer learn how to handle on our own at 9. A year of play therapy has taught him and us. He tantrums less often and not quite as long. I don’t have more tips, bc I think they deal with older kids who can rationalize better.[/quote]

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