Reply to Why do people blame their siblings over parental favoritism? What is the appropriate response?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My younger tried this with me, the whole "we need to talk about our childhood" and i quickly shut it down. One, there are two sides to every story, and she may think that no one cared about her and no one guided her in a good direction, but the truth is she was hard-headed, did not like to follow instructions, made the wrong friends, and always chose the worst boyfriends, and that had resulted in the life she has now. Two, the summary of MY life is not to be distilled to her perception of what me and our parents did or did not do for her. We are all 35+ years old with many years distance from living in the same household, and that time of my life is a distant memory. [/quote]

Yeah at some point people need to take some personal responsibility for their lives, if they’re still so rocked by childhood memories into adult hood.  Not discounting the feelings but get some therapy or something.  [/quote]
I ended up cutting of my parents and the golden siblings as an adult because they still treat me like crap.  It's not baggage from childhood, but ongoing poor treatment and gaslighting.  The last straw was a family wedding where they'd rented a 6 bedroom house for twelve people.  They assigned my family of four (me, DH, 7 yo and 4 yo) to a room with my other disfavored sibling (32 yo) and her boyfriend (who we'd only met twice).  It was one small bedroom to share. The other 6 people were spread across the other 5 bedrooms.  When I asked to shift my sister and her bf out of our room, I was called selfish and "the problem."  My golden sister threw a Yeti mug at me and my mom told me it was my fault for upsetting her.  It was super messed up.

And perceived favoritism isn't always subtle or a case where there's two sides.  My father told me he wouldn't help me pay for college because he wanted to save his money for my brother.  After all, I'm a girl and just getting my "Mrs," while my golden brother is a man will need to support a family.

This list can keep going, but it went as far as waking up on Christmas morning and watching my golden siblings open iPods, smart phones and dSLRs while I didn't get a single present.  I was told I was an adult (@18 yo and a freshman in college) and no longer their child, and they needed to save their resources for the children.  Of course this standard only applied to me and my golden siblings have always gotten Christmas presents, including as adults.  Nevermind that I'd spent money from my minimum wage job to purchase presents for each of them.

There's a million more examples, but favoritism isn't always subtle.  The golden siblings have trouble seeing it at all, as they believe strongly that they're deserving and I'm a lesser human who doesn't deserve anything and should be happy for what I get.

(I'm also generally and overachiever who has [b]spent most of my life trying to earn their love, which I've never managed to do. [/b] But I haven't always taken their mistreatment quietly, which makes me a problem in their eyes.) [/quote]
I relate so much to your post, with one difference: I was 8 years old when I realized my mother would never live me as she loved my siblings. That realization made me want to die. Instead of giving up on life, I've lived with a vengeance. I am low contact with my siblings. They think I judge/do not like them. True. True.[/quote]

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