Reply to Is this emotionally abusive/mean ?

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "Is this emotionally abusive/mean ?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im the OP that posted before but this time I have a very specific question

I live at home in my 20’s and when I tell my mom that Im probably going to move out if she continues to try and control me she says ” And where would you go 😂?”

I added the laughing emoji because she laughs / smiles when she says that.

Any other parent would encourage me. When she says that I feel incapable. Sometimes she’ll say how Im so capable and have potential in life. Other days she says shit like that. And anytime I confront her about it she gets upset, goes outside for an hour, comes back and is cold[/quote]

OP, I have been thinking about it, and this is the most important sentence in your post. This, right here, is where your work begins. You feel incapable. Let that in, the full weight of it. Then ask: What would it take for you to feel undeniably capable?

Is there information you lack, or skills you don’t yet have, or resources you need to acquire? Spend some naming for yourself all the things in the space between where you are now and feeling fully capable. Just name them at first. Once named — and only once named — you can begin taking steps to overcome them. [/quote]

Whoops I meant to highlight this sentence:

[b]I feel incapable.[/b][/quote]

💯 
OP, you are an adult.  So, adult!
The more you want mommy to say you can and she's proud of you, the more you represent the baby she's infantalizing you to be.  Get a job, move out. Problem solved.

I come from a UMC family where  money was never an issue.  My parents were emotionally neglectful and never wanted to help me.  I've been on my own since I was 18.  I experienced periods of hunger, loneliness, and isolation.  I know my parents are not a fall back option.  Yours clearly are.  If you move out and fail, they will help you, so do it.  Recently DH and I both lost our jobs.  We have 3 kids and a mortgage.  My parents could easily help us but prefer to pity us "I'm so sorry you are going through this." Their pity doesn't pay the bills and is meaningless to me.  My point? Adult now, because you will need these skills in the future.  And be grateful you have parents who care about you.  Many of us don't. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics