Reply to Pausing career to SAHM for a bit

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it really depends on your personality, as much as anything else.

I wish I could work 20-30 hours per week. That would allow me to parent in the way I want to, and still have outside things.

I like the "mom" part of things (being a room parent, being there for all the parent events at both kids' schools, making homemade baked goods, homemade ridiculous halloween costumes, knowing the teachers and other parents, knowing all the other kids, being active in their preferred after school activities) but not so much the "maintenance of things" aspect of being a SAHM (household maintenance, car stuff, cleaning the house).

I also think I'd resent my husband after a while for "getting" to go outside the house and do cool science while I was feeling stuck at home dealing with boring household tasks.

I also am an MD, PhD and dual board certified and worked for a very long time to get where I'm at professionally, so I think there's some sunk cost thing going on too.

If we were sufficiently wealthy that me working didn't make a dent in our budget (we are so not even close to that) AND I could still outsource everything to a very competent household manager, I'd probably want to be a SAHM. Instead, I'm trying to work 30-ish hours a week, outsource the boring jobs that get turfed to SAHM and be as present as I can for my kids.

Also,[b] I thought by age 5 my kids would need me less, but as my kids get older I'm realizing I'm not sure when they will need me less. 5 is a different kind of need, but my kindergartener loves me being present at school etc. [/b]

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They don't need so much of your time for 'care' but they start taking more emotional energy as they get older.  It peaks in middle school.  Parents (working or staying home) need to be emotionally available most of they way through highschool.

What I see in my highschool kids is that some other parents drop out of parenting, especially boys..... some of them are very inappropriate on SM.  Girls tend to be better at this because girl parents tend to give them advice, like not to bully or send nudes.  I give the advice to my sons too, but I'm often surprised what other boys send my son (or daughters). Yep, my daughters have nude pictures of their classmates, completely unsolicited.  I ask them to delete them.  It really doesn't matter at this age if the parents work or not either.  Some boys with SAHMs are still horrible on SM, some with WOHMs are great.  It depends on how available you make yourself for your kids.
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