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[quote=Anonymous]Reading this post I wonder if I am asexual. I get aroused/wet, feel attraction to men, but I have never orgasmed and sex is a chore for me. I had a nice normal loving 2 parent childhood, no religious issues. I remember my older sister took me to babeland (feminist sex toy store in nyc) for my 16th bday to help me pick out a vibrator. Dh and I still have sex 1-2x a week (we have been married 17 years, have 3 kids), but it is the biggest stressor in our marriage. I try to put on a good act, tell him it feels good, do things I know he likes, but he wants more, he wants me to get more into it, tell him what I like, what turns me on, etc., come up with ideas, and I just can’t really ever think of anything to say. I have never told him I can’t orgasm. I really don’t mind it- I’ve given up at this point- but I get how “not minding it” is not what he’s going for. I feel put off by the pressure to be more passionate or whatever. I wish it could be like giving a foot rub- I enjoy doing something nice for my partner and something intimate, but there is no pretense that is is making me feel a certain way, and there is no pressure around it.

I do kind of feel like this is one thing that would’ve been easier a generation or two ago, when women weren’t expected to really like sex. I did go to a sex therapist once in my 20s, a few months after my dad died. She suggested that my dad may have been abusive (I had not told her he had just died.) my dad and I had been really close and that made me so angry. It also made me feel defective- like something had to have happened to me for something to be “wrong” with me. [/quote]

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