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[quote=Anonymous]I know that "letting things go" is an expression, but I'll tell you what I told my trauma bestie this week . . . I really don't believe that that's how the emotional process works. I think we carry our hurts with us while they still have lessons to teach us. So I never beat myself up about not having let something go yet. I'm still processing it. I will carry it gingerly, and I will set it down when it's taught me what I needed to learn from this. You don't just let a deep betrayal go. But you know that your self-love will carry you through.

I love The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu. It can sound intimidating to think about forgiveness, but it's really a book about self-compassion. I think that the work I did after the first affair prepared me to navigate this chapter.

-novel lady

Love this poem by Andrea Gibson:

"How the Worst Day of My Life Became the Best"

When I realized the storm
was inevitable, I made it
my medicine.

Took two snowflakes
on the tongue in the morning,
two snowflakes on the tongue
by noon.

There were no side effects.
Only sound effects. Reverb
added to my lifespan,
an echo that asked—

What part of your life’s record is skipping?
What wound is on repeat?
Have you done everything you can
to break out of that groove?

By nighttime, I was intimate
with the difference
between tying my laces
and tuning the string section

of my shoes, made a symphony of walking
away from everything that did not
want my life to sing.

Felt a love for myself so consistent
metronomes tried to copyright my heartbeat.

Finally understood I am the conductor
of my own life, and will be even after I die.
I, like the trees, will decide what I become:

Porch swing? Church pew?
An envelope that must be licked to be closed?
Kinky choice, but I didn’t close.

I opened and opened
until I could imagine that the pain
was the sensation of my spirit
not breaking,

that my mind was a parachute
that could always open
in time,

that I could wear my heart
on my sleeve and never grow
out of that shirt.

That every falling leaf is a tiny kite
with a string too small to see, held
by the part of me in charge
of making beauty
out of grief.[/quote]

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