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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I wanted to thank those of you who took the time to respond, especially the very lengthy and helpful responses from women going through something similar.  I will start figuring out how to get an attorney and find the $$ to pay for it.  It is hard to hear that his deceit will mean nothing in our divorce.  My primary concern is getting as much custody as I can.  I want DCs to have a good relationship with their father but he is largely absent as a dad, always has been, and apparently has been using his frequent business travel as an opportunity to cheat w various women.  He is the type that will insist on 50-50 custody for appearances sake but he has no real interest in taking care of young children and will farm them out to a nanny or worse.[/quote]

In this case, write the "right of first refusal" into your custody plan. This means that when he is unavailable to care for them, you get them if you are willing and available. And you can keep track of how often he can't care for them on his time, and go back and ask for an adjustment to the custody schedule.

But as I said before (I'm "novel" lady), I framed it as being better for my STBX to have less time. And he's struggling even with 43% of the time. When we set it up, I said, "Are you sure you want every Wednesday and Thursday? You like to go out a lot on those nights" and he literally cried and promised that he would plan his things for other nights.

Well our kid just texted needing a ride to something next Thursday and he has a conflict. He only has them two nights next week. This is who he is. He [I]feels[/I] that the kids are his priority. But his actions never say that.[/quote]

New poster.  100% agree with the PP.  Absolutely insist on ROFR if he's the type to demand time but then flake.  That way they can't get dumped on someone else without your consent.  I was a SAHM and XH worked long hours (turns out he worked with AP) so I have 90% custody and we didn't go to court – he just said he was too busy from the outset.  Even when his circumstances changed, he never asked for more time.  Like PP's situation, XH claims the kids are a top priority, but his actions say otherwise.  Even when he is with them, he's totally checked out and texting with AP according to the kids.  I don't ever ask for details, but they come home frustrated and vent about it.   Luckily, my kids are teens, so they don't need a lot of close watching/entertaining, but it makes me so sad that he voluntarily opted to play such a small role in their lives.

I'm sorry, OP.  I still struggle with the fact that his cheating/betrayal means nothing to anyone but me.  There is zero justice when it comes to that.[/quote]

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