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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have two sons and completely understand that whomever they marry will likely control access to our sons and grandkids, so we will make it a point to be good in-laws.

Our plan is to move near one when they have kids (and then rent near the other if needed) so we can be helpful.  We hope they live somewhere fun/cool/warmish.[/quote]

Why would you think this?  My in-laws are good people and sometimes drive me a little batty, but I regularly encourage DH to see them more by inviting them to visit us or seeing if they want us to go there.  He declines every single time. He has a good relationship with them but is happy being lower contact.  I sometimes wonder if more DILs are like me and it's actually the sons who don't want more contact.[/quote]

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but in my family the sons are busy with their own lives and careers and the DILs are also busy with their own lives and careers. They really don't want ILs up in their business so much. A model that I do see working is when the ILs pay for school/activities/household help with no strings attached. Not that this is any guarantee that they will want you around.

I think all you can do is be kind and offer to help in ways you can provide and they want. And this applies whether is it a DS or DD.[/quote]

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