Reply to Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I second the poster about the effects on your children. Just be aware of how fearful and unsettling it can be. I was 12 when my grandma was in this state and it was frightening. And this state inevitably leads to the next (and worse) one. You are treading water and should be considering next options (memory care).[/quote]

I am still paying the price for what I exposed kids to with my aging parents and problematic behaviors. The needs of your kids need to be a priority too, especially with regard to sleep. People talking about modeling what is right for your kids. Absolutely. Good boundaries are important for them to see. You can love your parents and provide proper care while making your kids and spouse and self a priority. Deciding everyone must suffer instead often turns people off those roles. They need to see you can prioritize a health nuclear family and still do right by grandma.Find the right memory care and visit often.Much easier for everyone to be at their best visiting when they have gotten enough sleep. The challenges with dementia start to increase exponentially. I've lived it.  [/quote]

I was a teen when my parents took in my grandparent with dementia and it was fine. We saw my parents taking care of their elderly parent, which was a great example for us. We also got a realistic look at what aging is really like. This experience was a good one for my family in many ways, even though there were difficult times as my grandparent journeyed toward their final days. Eventually we siblings also took care of our own parents, one of whom also had dementia.

I know what it’s like to live with a person with dementia in ways most people today do not. I have a more realistic idea of how to plan for my own needs when my spouse and I reach those ages. Most importantly, watching your parents doing the right thing and then eventually doing the right thing yourself gives one a good feeling of having shown love and caring to your relatives when they need you the most. 
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But were you a teen who was woken up multiple times per night by a hysterically screaming grandma, or one who walked into your room screaming?  It's hard to expect anyone to not be harmed by that.  It's great to take care of your parents, but at some point, there are reasons for facilities, especially when it's actually much safer for them to be there.  Everyone will be happier, and you can visit frequently.

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I saw quite a bit, and I saw how hard my parents worked. They did the right thing and provided an example to my siblings and me of the right way to treat others. They also taught us that life isn’t always easy, that sometimes doing the right thing is difficult, but it is always worth it in the end.

YMMV [/quote]

If you have the funds, IMO "doing the right thing" is likely putting the person into a great facility, where they can get the care they need, without destroying your family and wearing down the family caregivers (typically the Mom/females).  They get interaction with others daily, which is shown to help with delaying dementia from advancing.

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