Reply to AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?

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Reply to "AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So your son was 22 when his dad died? That’s tough. I lost my dad 5 years ago in my early 40s and I am still dealing with it. You don’t need to be the keeper of your exs things but you need to be a better keeper of your sons feelings about losing his parent. Sorry your ex was bad to you but it seems like you are expecting your kids to be pissed at him like you are. [/quote]

How long does OP need to be the “keeper” of her son’s feelings? When can an adult be expected to start to taking care of his own feelings without putting it on his mother?[/quote]

She never has to, but someone with a stronger degree of emotional intelligence could have navigated that conversation without it becoming what it did. Extending empathy and listening to someone when they’re hurting (your son of all people) does not mean you are carrying their load - and when they say something that you disagree with, you can tactfully steer them to a solution that meets your needs too.

OP said she had grieved the marriage and moved on. If that’s the case she should have done a better job of being empathetic but personally detached. What she did was not empathetic, just detached.

And btw, her son asked about a video camera that might have tape of him - her son - from prom. That might be something she’d want to see too, no? It actually doesn’t have much to do with the ex except maybe he was the videographer. It’s not like he asked her about something that was specifically his dad’s, like a watch. [/quote]

Well said. Not that the title of the post is completely focused on obligation to ex h when the real life question should be, what’s my obligation to my son?[/quote]

Ok, none. OP no longer has any obligation to her children to serve as the sounding board for grief over their dad’s loss. They are adults who have each other and they have their dad’s family. Part of being an adult is realizing your parents are not your best source of support in all things. Part of being an adult is recognizing your limitations and acting accordingly.[/quote]

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