Reply to AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?

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Reply to "AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Backstory: My ex-husband died of a heart attack seven years ago. At the time, we had been divorced for 2.5 years. We have four kids who are all grown now, with my oldest being 29. My ex was a liar, cheater, and emotionally abusive. However, he was a good father. I had enough perspective to separate the roles of husband and father, and I have respected his memory by keeping quiet about what he was as a husband. Since my kids were teens/young adults when he passed, I kept some of his belongings in my garage for them. He didn't have much when he died, so there was no estate per se.

The anniversary of his desk is coming up shortly, and [b]my oldest sent a text this morning about a video camera my ex had used at my son's prom twelve years ago. He asked me if I had it. I told him I doubted it, but there was a chance it could be in the bin in the garage. He responded that the family should do better by keeping up with those types of things. I reminded him that I am the ex-wife and had no responsibility to do anything and that at 29, he is old enough to maintain his dad's belongings. He told me I was insensitive to his dad's memory and the man I had been with for over 20 years. I told him as the ex-wife, I was allowed to move on.

I told my son that he needs therapy[/b] to work through his grief and for perspective. I feel like I have been sensitive to their feelings by keeping my ex's stuff in the garage. My ex had not remarried, but he has a sister. I just don't view the annual grief as my role. I grieved the marriage and have moved on. AITA?[/quote]

Jesus, that went off the rails in a way that seems totally unnecessary. Yes, he’s an adult, but he’s your son who still feels grief over the unexpected and premature loss of his father. The man you chose to have children with. Maybe you could soften your stance because you love your children and empathize with their loss? That is not the same as carrying feelings for your ex. Maybe you could have offered to look for the video camera, or gently offered the items to your son for safekeeping.

Don’t let your feelings towards your ex mess up your ability to be supportive and empathetic towards your children. What a sad outcome that would be.

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