Reply to Awkward – neighbors overheard me talk about their DC

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP and PPs, it is NOT "hurtful" or "clueless" to call a 9lb infant tiny. It is an objective fact. If you're sensitive about it, that's on you, and you probably better deal with it, because so long as you're holding an infant in your arms, someone is going to use the word tiny, and 99 percent of the time they will intend it to mean "wow, a very new baby, how amazing." If they said things like, gee are you feeding him enough? that would be hurtful. But otherwise, you are just projecting.

Conversely, it's hard to imagine that calling a 18m old "ridiculous" because of his/her size can be interpreted in any manner other than derisive. Not outrageous, but obviously a bit mocking and critical. So OP, don't try to whitewash the fact that you - not your neighbors - screwed up here by telling us that you didn't mean anything by it. Accept responsibility and then move on, and try to find a healthier way to deal with your angst about your child's size and/or premie status than making sarcastic comments about other kids.[/quote]

+1 Agreed. Your remarks were most definitely mean spirited and from what you said, her's were not said in a critical way. Hopefully she didn't hear you, I know I would feel hurt by hearing that my neighbor thought my child looked ridiculous.[/quote]

Completely agree with this!  Your remarks were hurtful, OP![/quote]

Also, OP is not saying her neighbor was being "mean." She said that her neighbor's remark touched a nerve because of the anxiety OP has dealt with in the NICU, etc, relating to size. Can you seriously not understand that, whether or not it makes sense to you or is something you would feel, that it is possible a woman might feel stressed to hear her kid looks tiny? I didn't have a preemie but we were always falling on and off the charts. It was a constant stress, with a feeding specialist consulted. I had to consciously work to keep my mind OFF of his size, off of what he was eating or not eating, off of how he might appear. So when people would say "oh, he's tiny!" it's not like I thought they were assholes or anything, but it reminded me of something that I was trying to cope with already. Maybe all of you on this thread might take heed at how people here are telling you that whether or not you meant harm, saying "tiny" to a baby is actually rude. It's not rude if you say it without knowing, but now lots of people have told you. So if YOU personally say it again to a mom with a tiny kid, you now know you might be hurting her feelings. So just don't do it. [/quote]

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